Fallen From His Grace
by Jace Quin
Summary: Evanesence Fallen Songfic. Insanity seems to be something that grips Vampires as they get older. See the Vampiric world through the eyes of insanity.
1. Hello

Disclaimer: The music for the fic comes from Evance; Fallen. I don't pretend to own it. I suggest listening to it while reading.

_Play ground school bells ring again_

A school bell ringing far away wakes me from dreams of black roses with crimson blood on the petals. I lay on the cold earth myself but not. No I am not myself I am some one new some_thing_ new. I can feel my body but my heart beat I cannot feel and though I lay face down I do not feel the need to turn my head and breath. I know I am dead.

Rain clouds come to play again 

I can feel the rain pouring down and now I can feel some one pull me onto my back can feel the cold rain and warm tears splash my face both at once.

"Can't you see she's dead?" Some one else says taunting cruelly.

Has no one told you she's not breathing? 

I know I am still in my body but I am dead. I felt myself die. Is this death then? Trapped in my body forever? No one to talk to but myself?

Hello, I'm your mind giving you some one to talk to 

The crying person is gone and I keep my eyes closed and do not try to open them but then some one else is kneeling in the wet grass next to me. Some one who smells of new snow and morning dew, smells of death and vice.

"Wake up girl."

Hello 

No. I'm dead. I think, go away leave the poor dead girl alone.

"Wake up little bint I know you're in there I can hear you thinking." I open my eyes and smile up at the blurry figure wondering if this is an illusion.

If I smile and don't believe 

"There come on now." An illusion this raven hair man is my hell this is my hell. I have gone to hell and this is my punishment.

Soon I'll wake from this dream 

"This isn't real I'm in hell I think I'd prefer fire and demons thanks."

"Come on. I'm real. I'm Siete. I'm a Vampire an so are you little one so wake up and I'll get you some one to feed off of and you'll feel better."

Don't try to fix me I'm not broken 

No this isn't real. I'm dead go away leave me be.

Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide 

Now I'm being pulled up to sit up I'm being held and I can feel the tears slipping down my face. I'm dead. I'm dead and I'm in hell. I'm dead, I'm in hell, and this I my punishment. I can feel myself sobbing silently.

_Don't cry_

Then he tilts my head up and studies my face then he kisses me. Violently. I can taste the blood can feel his fangs and mine I can feel again.

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping_

I know I'm alive… sort of. I am a Vampire. I know it's real. Know he's real because of the violence in his kiss.

_Hello, I'm still here_

I know I'm here. I am myself but not. Alive but dead. Living dead. And I am hungry. I am so hungry. I used to be an innocent girl now I will become a killer. My body looks the same but my mind is ever changed.

_All that's left of yesterday_

A/N: Yep new story by me. Songfic actually. And now for something completely different. My inspiration has returned! Yay.


	2. Going Under

Disclaimer: The songs used in the fiction come from Evanescence: Fallen. Many of the ideas and characters belong to AAR. I don't pretend to own anything I don't own but here are a few things I do own: The main character (who is as yet unnamed) and the plot. Use of either of these things with out my permission is punishable with a cast iron frying ban to the base of the skull if you catch my drift. (A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend.)

_Now I will tell you what I've done for you_

"You're evil you're bloody EVIL!" I screamed at him tears in my eyes.

_Fifteen thousand tears I've cried_

"That's right I'm evil. I recall telling you that the night we met." He tilted his head to the side and regarded me with his green eyes. Such beautiful green eyes he has when the rest of our kind have death blackened eyes. Sure we can make them look different but that's an illusion his eyes are really green because he is alive he lives still a creation from the beginning of time unable even to die. "It didn't bother you then so why now does it bother you?"

_Screaming deceiving and bleeding for you_

"I thought-" No don't go there you can't love him and he can't love you it doesn't work that way he's evil. He could read my mind to see my thoughts but he no longer bothers with that even.

_And you still won't hear me_

"Such a naive girl." He chides me and then he kisses me with gentle violence. His kisses to me are nothing but violence even when he is more gentle than a human lover even because he is Siete.

_I'm going under_

"You know I'll protect you little one you've nothing to fear."

_Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself_

"Except from you." I whisper. I know I have nothing to fear except from him. He is as a great wave with the power to dash me upon the cliffs but for now he tumbles me playing with me but for how long I don't know.

_Maybe all we've done for once/ not tall and too daily defeated by you_

"Yes. Except from me. I could kill you now. You know that of course. That I could drain you dry and put a dagger in your heart. Flick a match at you and watch you burn. Still, you do not leave me."

_Just when I thought I reached the bottom/ I'm dying again/ I'm goin' under/ Drowning in you/ I'm falling forever/ I've got to break through/ I'm going under_

"No I do not leave." Yes, you're evil. Yes, I hate you but am I not evil as well do I not hate myself? This is my hell. I stay because I am evil and I deserve to love you.

"Yes you love me. That's why you stay. There is a thin line between love and hate; you have crossed it many times. I have never loved and I do not hate so you fascinate me.

_Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies/ So I don't know what's real and what's not/ Always confusing the thoughts in my head/ So I can't trust myself any more_

He twists my own words around and gives them new meanings. He can read my thoughts. He could kill me in a minute. I am not safe from him especially in a deadly embrace such as this but I deserve the violence. He kisses me again with fangs and tongue and lips hurting me but the line of pain and pleasure has long been blurred by his kisses.

_I'm dying again/ I'm going under/ Drowning in you/ I'm falling forever/ I've got to break through_

"Do you love me?" He asks mockingly. I bow my head and do not answer but he knows. He knows with out reading my mind what my answer is. "Do you love me?" He asks again.

"Yes."

"You are a fool."

_So go on and scream/ scream at me I'm so far away/ I won't be broken again/ I've got to breath I can't keep going under_

I draw in a deep breath and cry quietly my shoulders shaking but he doesn't know I'm crying he's gone. Gone. He will come back smelling of the hunt of blood and liquor and sex. How I hate him for being so indifferent. Oh, but how I love him love him still. If you think love and hate are opposites you're wrong they are as a pair it's is love and indifference that are opposites.

A/N: Hullo all. Thank you for the lovely reviews. huggles reviewers Oh, due to a question I got I thought I might define song fic for you in the terms I understand it, please look below for the definition. Also could you all tell me if you can see that the lyrics are in italics? If they don't show up that way please mention it and I'll try to make them more obvious. Review or flame. Reviews shall be cherished and flames shall be used to burn my Latin project. ()

Songfic: A particular variety of fanfiction. The chapter or chapters of the songfic have lyrics of a song incorporated into them they are often written while listening to that song and the song might be the original inspiration for the fic but not necessarily.


	3. Wake Me Up Inside

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors_

"Thought I'd be proud of you?" He asks knowing my thoughts though I'd tried my hardest not to reveal them to him.

"I though, maybe-"

"You thought wrong. I know your every thought can read your deepest emotion know secrets about you, you yourself do not know."

_Leading you down into my core_

"I know that you killed on your own yes and for that I am proud, you are becoming independent, but you feel guilty you did not kill for the right reasons, you disgust me!" I shrink back from him mentally.

"What are the right reasons? Perhaps I'll do better next time." I don't care. He's right I'm not really here I've not enjoyed my practical immortality.

_Where I've become so numb with out a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold_

"I can't tell you the reasons you must know them for yourself. You are pathetic. Why can't you just-" He makes an extravagant hand gesture.

_Until you find it there and lead it back home_

"Why can't you just wake up and smell the coffee? You're a Vampire!"

_Wake me up inside/ Wake me up inside/ Call my name and save me from the dark/ bid my blood to run/ before I come undone/ Save me from the nothing I've become_

"I don't understand."

"You should. You should taste it in their blood, smell it in their sweat, feel it in their bodies, see it in their eyes and hear it in their heart beats."

_Now that I know that I'm without_

"I should have my daughter and her lover take care of you they're more human than I maybe they can make you understand."

"No please. I beg you."

_You can't just leave me_

"You waste your breath begging. If I want to get rid of you I will I am Siete, I do as I please." He stood challenging me with his green eyes as if I'd dare go against him. I ducked my head but I could still see him out of the corner of my eye taking regular breaths to taste the air and smell my fear.

_Breath into me and make me real_

"Get used to being a Vampire because you'll never live again."

_Bring me to life_

"I don't want to be. I- I never asked for this."

"You asked me about the real world and I did you one better I woke you up from that dream you were living in."

_Wake me up inside/ Wake me up inside/ Call my name and save me from the dark/ bid my blood to run/ before I come undone/ Save me from the nothing I've become_

"And now I do not live! You did not make me like you as you said you would."

"I made you like myself I made you a Vampire."

"You're alive, Siete."

_Frozen inside without your touch without your love, darling, only you are the life among the dead_

He shrugs.

_All this time I can't believe I couldn't see_

He's not my prince charming. Not my night in shining armor. How could I have believed in fairy tales- in him?

_Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me_

I've been sleeping all my life living in a dream. Like he said.

_I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems_

I stepped back and looked at him for the first time I really looked at him past his beauty and his style and I saw- nothing.

_Got to open my eyes to everything_

He killed me. I'd be… I don't know I'd lost track of the days months years in the time I'd spent with the timeless Siete. I am a Vampire a living dead _thing_.

_Without a thought, without a voice, with out a soul_

I'd been such a moron. I knew nothing about what it was to be a Vampire if I pissed him off he could leave me here to die with the slightest thought.

_Don't let me die here_

There has to be more to being a Vampire than powers I know not how to use and blood I cannot even consent to drink from a human. I killed an anima and felt guilt.

_There must be something more_

I can't be like this living out my undeath here.

_Bring me to life_

I am pitiful. If I had this much apathy toward a real life I'd be one of those people that trailer trash call trailer trash.

_Wake me up inside/ Wake me up inside/ Call my name and save me from the dark/ bid my blood to run/ before I come undone/ Save me from the nothing I've become_

My life isn't real. Until now I thought my life had a little meaning but now…

_I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside_

A/N: I love all the reviews. Keep 'em up! Huggles reviewers No still no name for my character. I mean she _has_ one. You just don't find out what it is until later. Love y'all. Review or Flame! Reviews shall be cherished and flames used to burn certain annoying people.


	4. Everybody's Fool

Disclaimer: Siete Belongs to AAR. The song lyrics belong to Evanescense. Everything else is mine. Steal my stuff and die.

Thunk. Oww. I open my eyes to see green ones looking at me. I look away and notice the assortment of books and manuscripts he's dropped on my bed. His bed. _Our_ bed. I pick one up the title reads: Dark Flame.

"What are these?"

"Books. Manuscripts that my daughter wrote. They're about Vampires. Real Vampires. Read them. Start now."

"You can't just-"

"Can't I?"

"When will you be back I-"

"Left you some blood. You'll be fine I'll be back in a couple days." With that he was gone as quickly as he had arrived. I glared at the empty air and screamed. I felt better after and walked into the rarely used kitchen of his house. On the counter were bottles of blood. Some of it was clearly from Los Noches while a couple of bottles were unmarked but unmistakably blood. I opened one and sniffed curiously. It was Vampire blood; Siete's. "How nice of the immortal to leave his pet Vampire some of his blood." I told the empty house bitterly. I drank down the bottle of his blood not savoring the taste as I might have and then throwing the bottle at a wall where it shattered into a million pieces. I went back into the bedroom and picked up Dark Flame stretched out on the unmade bed and started reading. I was interested so see what other Vampires were like.

_Perfect by nature_

Aubrey seemed all kinds of evil indulging his every whim excited him it seemed because he knew it'd get him killed one day.

_Icons of self indulgence_

He pictures himself a Dark Prince.

_Just what we all need/ More lies about a world that/ Never was and never will be_

It was horrible how my life compared with that of Aubrey.

_Have you no shame? Can't you see me?_

I looked at the back of the book one of the quotes read: The second, updated, release of Dark Flame. Aubrey who has already created quite a following in the teen age crowd and has grown even more popular in light of the release. On the back cover was the smirking face of who but Aubrey?

_You know you've got everybody fooled_

I can just imagine the press conference with Jessica. Perfect female version of Siete sitting tall looking slightly bored perhaps with Aubrey with her and all her fans cheering or maybe looking on in dumbfounded silence.

_Look here she comes now/ Bow down and stare in wonder/ Oh how we love you/ No flaws when you're pretending/ but now I know she/ Never was and never will be_

I was mentioned near the end of the book. Just a single sentence mentioning Jessica's father the immortal Siete coming to receive advice about Belladonna.

_You don't know how you betrayed me_

I wondered that many people didn't suspect Aubrey and Jessica for what they were.

_And somehow you've got very body fooled_

I laughed to think what they'd do if one of their fans put two and two together to make four.

_Without the mask where will you hide? Can't find yourself lost in your lie_

It would be amusing to go back into the world and expose them. Perhaps some one would be so kind as to kill me for it. To think I used to think it would be cool if mythical creatures were real. I was nîave.

_I know the truth now/ I know who you are/ And I don't love you anymore_

My image of reality is skewed, blurred. I don't know what's real what I've made up and what Siete has fed to me.

_It never was and never will be/ You're not real and you can't save me/ Somehow now you're everybody's fool_

A/N: Review or Flame! (--)


	5. My Immortal

A/N: I'm not sure if anyone is reading this. If you are kindly review and let me know or I might simply get rid of this story.

He's been gone for over a week and the blood is gone. Hunger gnaws at my belly as a clawed animal trying to escape. I can hear him talking to me telling me I am weak for not trusting him to return.

_Long lost words whisper slowly to me_

What if he's left me to die here? Why should I stay? I know I can leave with a thought so why don't I?

_Still can't find what keeps me here/ When all this time I've been so hollow inside_

I leave a note for Siete on my pillow and sign the name he has given me with a flourish. I shower and change to make myself more presentable then I will myself to the woods Jessica described so well. I walk through the cool night air to Las Noches. I do not think I will attract much attention as I am not nearly as attractive as the many other's of my kind I can see. My entrance does attract attention though my kind turn their heads as one and many humans look as well to see what has caught the Vampires' attention. I scan the crowd. I pick out several characters from Jessica's books but none who would recognize me. They sense my dismissal and turn back to what they were doing. I sit in a shadowy corner eyeing some of the humans wondering if I am really hungry enough to put aside my qualms and drink. A boy about the age I was when I died catches my eye and I smile at him. He has sandy blond hair tanned skin and hazel eyes. He walks over to me.

"Quite an entrance you made there-?"

"Belladonna."

"Belladonna. That's an unusual name. My name is Jacob."

"Nice to meet you, Jacob." He sits down across from me. He brushes some of his shaggy shoulder length hair out of his eyes and I watch as several strands slide across his throat. I watch his pulse with interest and swallow. I want him, want this boy, his blood.

"Are you… hungry?" He asks me tentivily.

"Yes." He beckons me with a long finger and I rise. I go around the table and perch on his lap. I tilt his head back and contemplate his pale neck. I cock my head to the left and bite the right side of his neck he hisses in pain until I instinctively sooth his pain with a soft murmur in his head. I pull away when my hunger does not bite so hard and trace the wound with my tongue making it disappear leaving a pink scar on his pale neck. I go and search out the friends he'd been with and direct them to him.

Siete's POV

I come home battered and bruised from putting down Vampires who dared challenge me and fling myself into my empty bed. Empty? I wonder looking up to see a black piece of paper with silver writing on it. I pick it up knowing already whom it is from. It reads: _I believe I am too much of a burden upon you and therefore have decided to go out into the world and see how I fare with out you, my immortal. My heart will ever belong to you, Belladonna._

_My immortal_

Bella? Gone? Those words didn't compute. It wasn't right. She'd lived with me for so long I took for granted giving her my blood to sustain her. She'd kept me sane. I had lived too long. Knew too many things and taking care of her been… nice.

_I'm so tired of being here_

Fear is something I have rarely experienced. I can feel it now. What if she gets hurt? I am breathing heavily imagining all sorts of torture I've learned of in my life.

_Suppressed by all of my childish fears_

I lay back down and snuggle under the covers. What do I care anyway? She was just a girl. Like any other girl, convenient yes but I could get another girl. I smirked. I could get _any_ girl. I took a deep calming breath but I could smell her essence on the pillow.

_And if you have to leave/ I wish that you would just leave/ because your presence lingers here/ and it won't leave me alone_

I got up frustrated and pulled off my clothes on my way to the bathroom for a shower. Each piece of clothing I dropped on the floor had revealed more wounds. I didn't understand how they could still look so vivid. I heal more quickly that all other Vampires and sure I'd got my head bashed in and my guts spilled out but really-

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

I turned the water just on hot and stepped in hissing as it hit my skin. My chest hurt. I took a deep breath and it didn't go away.

_This pain is just to real/ There's just to much that time cannot erase_

I wondered what Bella was doing as I washed my skin watching red tainted water swirl down the drain. I hope she's not hurt… what if she needs my help?

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears/ When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears/ I've held your hand through all of these years/ but you still have all of me_

I used to watch her sometimes when she didn't know I was here. She used to sing to herself. I don't remember the songs but her voice was clear and sweet. She never sang for me.

_You used to captivate me_

She was so human refusing even to drink from a mortal. So she drank from me instead, I never told her I had to kill more people to satisfy her thirst as well as my own.

_By your resonating light_

My eyes catch on her shampoo. I reach for it open it and it's floral smell hits my senses hard. My chest aches hollowly.

_Bound by the life you left behind_

I wash my hair with her shampoo and step out of the shower clean and wishing she were here so I could kiss her and make love to her and watch her as she sleeps a slight smile upon her lips. I towel dry and lay down in the bed but I cannot sleep.

_Your face haunts my once pleasant dreams_

I can hear her singly softly and some of the words come to me. "I would plea but there's nothing you can do to help me. Can't you see your insanity has taken hold on me?"

_Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me_

My chest hurts and I press my hand to my heart where it beats thundering in my ears.

_These wounds won't seem to heal/ This pain is just to real/ There's just to much that time cannot erase/_

I wish I knew where she was so I could go to her and yell at her and then lick away the inevitable tears.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears/ When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears/ I've held your hand through all f these years/ but you still have all of me_

She's gone because you're a moron deal with it.

_I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_

I open my green eyes and glare at everything in this room that reminds me of her, which is to say I am having a glaring contest with my bedroom.

_And though you're still with me_

She's gone. I can feel a single warm tear escape and trail a path down my cheek.

_I've been alone all along_

Belladonna's POV

I go and sit at the bar. Kaeli offers me a drink and I accept. For a split second I see Siete watching me but then he's gone. I can still feel his presence.

_I now you're still there/ Watching me, wanting me/ I can feel you pull me down/ Fearing you, loving you/ I won't let you pull me down_

I finish my drink get up and walk purposely toward where I saw him. I can smell him new snow, morning dew, blood and vice.

_Hunting you, I can smell you – alive_

I can hear his steady heart beat a rhythm I am used to.

_Your heart pounding in my head_

I can feel his incredible green eyes studying me and I can smell traces of a different scent over his usual one – arousal.

_Watching me, wanting me/ I can feel you pull me down/ Saving me, raping me_

I walk out of Las Noches and down the main street of New Mayhem the identical houses looming over me. I can feel his gaze burning into my back and wonder why he doesn't catch me and take me home why he doesn't force me into submission but perhaps he follows to make sure I can take care of myself. He just follows and watches his aura nags on my senses my eyes tell me he's not there but I know he is; I can feel him watching.

_Watching me_

I know why he doesn't bring me home – because I want him to.


End file.
